Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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