I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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