I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
