the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
