SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
