Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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