oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
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When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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