maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
