I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
