i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
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September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
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Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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