Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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