So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
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Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
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Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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