I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize