is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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