Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I love having hate sex.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
the liver wants what the liver wants
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
