3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
