He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
