respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
