and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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