theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
