let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
