the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
