It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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