I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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