I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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