That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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