So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
