There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
pray to the hookup gods
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize