my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
