Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We're too hungover to prance.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
