You're my little dorito
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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