You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
