i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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