im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize