we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Never underestimate the power of titties
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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