so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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