and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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