you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
