I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
