Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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