when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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