I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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