im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
