Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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