I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
