I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
