Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize