I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
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