You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
