the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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