I feel like I'm in dance class right now
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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