I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i can't believe i had my finger in that
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
