Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
