god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
