Cold hands, warm shart.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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