meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize