I hate your face
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
