we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My feet surprised me
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
