New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
