i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Can I color on your dick again?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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