I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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