I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize