mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
