I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I want a musical about memes.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
