At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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