I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
