Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
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