i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
