he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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