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Scissors
Fuck
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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