K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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