did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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