i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
