Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
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It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
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Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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