I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
