he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I party with great urgency now.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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