Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
