dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
